asantesana-squash-banana:

But I have a love blog and it would mean a lot to me if you would follow it. 

http://carry-this-picture-for-luck.tumblr.com/

It’s probably not the best time to be writing about emotional stuff seeing as I just got like 3 hours of sleep. (I always find it’s never a good time to type out stuff that makes your head or heart full or ache when you’ve either stayed up to late or not gotten enough sleep).

But whateves.

So I’ve always grown up a pretty pessimistic, bitter, jaded girl but I’m noticing a bit of an evolution where my eyes are starting to take more notice of the fact that life, the world, everything can be beautiful. I’m noticing more of the beauty in the world more than I’m noticing the bad which is a huge huge step from the person I used to be.

This is all is sparked from when I read this article this morning

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kristen-wolfe/dear-customer-who-stuck-u_b_1190690.html

It’s small moments like these that just make me thing that maybe the world is rotating forward on it’s axis rather than  backwards :)

So. First day of the new year 2012. The year this world as we know it supposedly will end. Which I don’t believe…yet am still kinda scared shitless will happen.

That’s neither here nor there when it comes to this current blog entry.

So for this year my resolutions are as follows (although you can watch me talk about them in one of/my latest-too-late vlog here : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hu4PUYFPy_w&feature=channel_video_title )
If you were too lazy/didn’t feel like clicking on that, here, I’ll type em out for you (you’re more than welcome)

• Clean my house once a week-Currently I work 6 days a week in 2 jobs so this kinda has made me a lazy house keeper. Although I admit and have noticed a drop off in my house cleaning skills ever since our first apartment. But I am going to try to make sure I clean my place once a week. With or without Codi’s help. Leaning more toward whining until it’s with his help, honestly.
• Take better care of myself-As someone who is 95%-98% of the time not eating meat I’m suppose to take vitamins. As someone who has teeth in their head I’m suppose to floss and use that teeth-strengthening/whitening mouthwash. As someone who had hypoglycemia, I’m suppose to eat 6 meals a day (3 meal-meals, 3 snackies) and because I’m not eating meat I’m suppose to eat a combination of protein-rich veggies, and grains. None of these above things am I doing. In 2012 I hope to change that and hopefully make it a permanent
• Take Isis out for regular walks/start her on a raw food diet/take better care of her-Right now I’m not the best pup-parent cause I’m so busy. But I need to start taking her for regular walks either two 20 minute walks or one 45 minute walk or somethin. Codi also wants to start her on this raw food diet he’s read up on. She also needs to start taking heart worm pills again, and also because she has bad joints (like her mommy) she needs to be taking joint supplements. So I’m gonna start doing all that with her.
• Continue to make a vlog every 2 weeks
• At least once a month catch up with the people I care about-I am kinda awful at keeping in touch with people no matter how much I love them. If it were not for facebook I don’t know what I would have done. But I wanna start calling and/or skyping with the people I love, like my friends and family, at least once a month.

Too bad the whole “writing more” wasn’t one of my goals this year (because I failed at keeping it the last 2 years…-_-) cause writing this blog entry on the first day of the new year makes me feel like I could actually stick to that resolution. Oh well.

I think aside from those resolutions though I wanna make 2012 about becoming a better person in general. I feel like I’m starting to get better and become more grounded as a person and I’ve actually learned alot of little life/love lessons in 2011 but I feel like I still have alot more growing up to do. I wanna start writing down all these lessons I’ve learned and am still learning in a little random journal/idea book when I buy one when I go back home.

But when it comes to growing up I still am feeling dread toward the whole process cause the more I grow up the more like I am losing bits of myself. I already realize I’ve lost that rebellious streak I used to have which in some way is good and I think that some things are more important than being rebellious and doing what I want to (see…told ya that growing up thing is kicking in). But I also feel like I’ve lost alot of passion for living. Like I’ve lost the will to live and it’s been replaced with simply the will to survive; I’ve lost the urge to read books, or write, or listen to new music or do anything really artisitc or good for my soul. It’s almost like my left brain has taken over and my right brain is collecting dust. Which is heartbreaking.

Well, with that off my chest (again, case I talked to Lesley about this a bit earlier) I guess I’ll pack in this blog for the night. I’m gonna go contemplate weither or not I should buy the Gilmore Girls pajamas I’ve been dying for with the $50 gift card I got for Christmas.